Rules for the Offended

The offense. You're a sensitive Aussie sort who, like most Australians, never heard a swear word until now. Well, once in prep, some nasty little works from grade one called you a "suck" and you went home traumatised. You're now in adulthood and walking through a park when you pass by some local boys. And its then you happen to hear one suggesting to another "nah fuck off mate, that bastard was pulling ya dick". You immediately experience a premature ventricular contraction having heard your first ever indecent language, though while you palpitate, you manage to recall that the new Anti Swearing law came into affect the previous day.

What next? You have two options. Fight or flight. If you attempt to run away to avoid further exposure to bad language, are you in fact breaking the law yourself? Are you illegally leaving the scene of a swearing? Are you then an accomplice to a criminal offense by choosing not to act? Your first move is to stand your ground. "Would you mind not swearing like that?" you ask. The boys don't notice your presence and, still deep in foul conversation, continue on their way. Now THEY are leaving the scene of a crime. Feeling vindicated you act quickly and run towards the nearest police officer.

Reporting the crime. You feel relieved as you finally manage to track down a police officer and are about to report your verbal assault. "Officer, I have been publicly offended by the boys over there. They said fuck, bastard and dick in my presence". You await their immediate arrest.

Issuing the Fine. The police officer has a dilemma. Do they attempt to fine a bunch of boys who will collectively deny swearing since it's your word against many of them? No, of course not, they take the best option to secure a $240 fine. The officer slaps YOU with the fine because you've just sworn to their face.

 The Outcome. The state has just increased revenue by $240, the group of boys are oblivious to the entire incident. And you? You need to go get your fucking ears used to the Australian language. And stay away from parks.

Anti Swearing Law

It all began when I saw this: Police To Be Able To Fine For Swearing

WTF?

Called the "Summary Offences Act", if amendments to this Act pass into law this will allow for Victorian police to issue on-the-spot fines for swearing. Some highlights:

• $240 on the spot fine for indecent language used in a public place and deemed to be indecent, disorderly, offensive or threatening.
• swearing is illegal on any public highway, road, street, bridge, race-course, cricket ground, football ground, wharf, pier, jetty, hall, theatre, public room or licensed premises (aka the PUB).
• a police officer is the sole judge of what is offensive language and what isn't.
• swearing can be an offence even if no one is present to hear it.
  

Where did this act come from? It was introduced in 1966 although cases had to be heard in court. The Labor state government introduced a trial in 2008 for on-the-spot fines and now, as part of the Baillieu government's law-and-order agenda, this is soon likely to pass into law.

The Attorney-General of Victoria, Robert Clark, backs the new laws. "We are going to give the police the power to issue infringement notices to send the message that this sort of obnoxious and antisocial behaviour will not be tolerated.". He also noted "Victorians ought to be able to go out at night with their families and not be ... offended". Yes, of course, when I take my kids to a late night lap dancing club I wont stand for any foul language.

Is this law necessary? Of course it is, revenue generation demands it! For the offended? No, use the old method of "hey mate, keep the language down" and if they don't then move on.

Swearing is as Australian as testicle-revealing shorts, it is a vital ingredient of Aussie contemporary verbal expression. I was born into a swearing society, my teachers swore at me, even the PM swore in public. You can't un-train a dog. I, for one, wont be curbing my fucking vocabulary anytime soon.