Thursday, 2 June 2011

Rules for the Offended

The offense. You're a sensitive Aussie sort who, like most Australians, never heard a swear word until now. Well, once in prep, some nasty little works from grade one called you a "suck" and you went home traumatised. You're now in adulthood and walking through a park when you pass by some local boys. And its then you happen to hear one suggesting to another "nah fuck off mate, that bastard was pulling ya dick". You immediately experience a premature ventricular contraction having heard your first ever indecent language, though while you palpitate, you manage to recall that the new Anti Swearing law came into affect the previous day.

What next? You have two options. Fight or flight. If you attempt to run away to avoid further exposure to bad language, are you in fact breaking the law yourself? Are you illegally leaving the scene of a swearing? Are you then an accomplice to a criminal offense by choosing not to act? Your first move is to stand your ground. "Would you mind not swearing like that?" you ask. The boys don't notice your presence and, still deep in foul conversation, continue on their way. Now THEY are leaving the scene of a crime. Feeling vindicated you act quickly and run towards the nearest police officer.

Reporting the crime. You feel relieved as you finally manage to track down a police officer and are about to report your verbal assault. "Officer, I have been publicly offended by the boys over there. They said fuck, bastard and dick in my presence". You await their immediate arrest.

Issuing the Fine. The police officer has a dilemma. Do they attempt to fine a bunch of boys who will collectively deny swearing since it's your word against many of them? No, of course not, they take the best option to secure a $240 fine. The officer slaps YOU with the fine because you've just sworn to their face.

 The Outcome. The state has just increased revenue by $240, the group of boys are oblivious to the entire incident. And you? You need to go get your fucking ears used to the Australian language. And stay away from parks.

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